Friday, June 11th, 2021. 11:08 PM
Being Uncertain of Ourselves Is Not a Problem
If we have firm faith in the Rock of our Salvation –
Who Is Himself Infallible and All-Powerful.
What if I published something here that isn’t ready for primetime?
What if this writing is mixed up – like the world is mixed up, lately?
Is This What It’s Like To Bee in the Joy of the Holy Spirit
Even when you’re 69 and feeling tired as an old man?
I don’t really know the answer “but this much I can say . . .”
Was thinkin’ about bees this morning.
A few weeks ago, saw something on YouTube about a lady prophet of long ago named Deborah.
Her name — Deborah means bee; it also means industrious.
Songs are very heart-touching sometimes . . .
There’s a character named Maybe.
Got me thinking of spelling his name like this: maybee or May Bee
Maybee On the Mayflower
May Bee in the morning
May Bee in the evening
May Bee at suppertime
Bee my little honey and love me all the time.
Then I saw another thing on YouTube related, maybe, to Deborah.
It went like this
“But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. For it will come upon all who dwell on the face of the whole earth. But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man. And every day he was teaching in the temple, but at night he went out and lodged on the mount called Olivet. And early in the morning all the people came to him in the temple to hear him.” -Luke 21:34-38. ESV Study Bible.
In the evening, was having an imaginary experience of being in a conversation with a lady.
It went like this:
Well, I did have an imaginary experience of being in a conversation; but, now that I’m trying to write it all down I can’t remember how it began. But those three words “how it began” suddenly reminded me of a love song by Neil Diamond with three words in it: “where it began”
Still tryin’ to remember the imaginary conversation between April and May Bee . . .
April: “What is it with you, Boy?”
May Bee: “I don’t know . . .“
April: “Well, somthin’s goin’ on with you. I can tell . . .”
May Bee: “What do ya’ mean, April?”
April: April was looking intently at May Bee tryin’ to understand him. She noticed for the first time, a scar on May Bee’s head – left of center and above where his hair line should have been. He was almost bald on top, now. “How’d ya’ get that scar on your head, May Bee?”
May Bee: “My mom said when I was three I was running and fell and bumped my head on the corner of the coffee table. Needed 5 stitches to sew it up, she said.”
April: “Well, you shouldn’t have been running in the house, May Bee.”
May Bee: “Maybe I wasn’t runnin’ at all.”
April: “What do you mean?”
May Bee: “I imagine I got that wound from Mom throwing me into the crib after changing my diaper; and hittin’ my head real hard against the wooden railings of the crib.”
April: “What else you bin imaginin’ Maybe?
Maybe: “Maybe I won’t tell ya.”
April: “Why not?”
Maybe: “OK, I’ll tell ya’ April. I bin imaginin’ . . . I can’t tell you, April. It’s too embarrassin.’”
April: “OK, Maybe. Maybe you can tell me another time.”
Maybe: “Maybe. . . if you encourage me, April.”
April: “Your name is very appropriate, Maybe.”
Maybe: “What makes you think so, April?”
April: “There’s something maybe-ish about you, Maybe.”
Maybe: “What is it about me that is maybe-ish, April?”
April: “Maybe I won’t tell you right now, Maybe.”
Maybe: “Why not, April.”
April: “Maybe I’m afraid to be so honest with you. It takes courage sometimes to tell the truth to someone you love.”
Maybe: “Do you love me, April?”
April: “Oh . . . well . . . maybe I do.”
Maybe: “Maybe you do what, April?”
April: “Maybe I do love you, Maybe.”
Maybe: “Well you don’t sound too certain about it, April.”
April: “Maybe I’m not certain about it.”
Maybe: “That’s OK, April. Maybe it’s OK to be uncertain. We can just be hopeful, instead.”
April: “I like hopefulness, Maybe.”
Maybe: “Me too, April.”
April: “Do you love me, Maybe, as I love you?”
Maybe: “Maybe I do, April.”
April: “Well, maybe you can be hopeful that I love you; and I’ll be hopeful that you love me. OK, Maybe?”
Maybe: “OK April. We’ll be hopeful together . . . as Springtime continues toward Summer.”
April: “Maybe hopefulness will transform into love if we try to be lovely to one another.”
Maybe: “Maybe it will, April.”
April: “Why do you keep calling me, April, Maybe?”
Maybe: “Well, what is your name, April?”
April: “Sometimes it’s May; other times it’s June and then . . . it could be something new or something borrowed or something blue as in a love song, Maybe.”
Maybe: “Are you ever blue, April?”
April: “Just look up at the sky, Maybe. That’s what color I AM. Sometimes I’m white and sometimes I’m grey and sometimes I’m as blue as “the wild blue yonder” over there.”
Maybe: “Over where, April?”
April: “Over here and over there, Maybe.”
Eileen: “I have a confession to make, Mark.”
Mark: “Yes, Eileen?”
Eileen: “The reason . . . or one of the reasons you haven’t heard from me since last May 27th 2020 is because I just can’t keep myself together with you.”
Mark: “What does that mean, Eileen?”
Eileen: “It’s like this, Mark: Let’s say, I’m an accomplished actress. And I can get up every day and be just as I choose to be. But then when you come along you always upset me. I feel very irritable, and I start saying things from my heart to you. And they aren’t nice things. And then I’m mortified by the honesty I showed you. And my honesty brings out your thoughts about my not very nice feelings. And your thoughts of me at that point aren’t very sweet, either. And so, I can see that we just don’t get along very well. So, I don’t call you; and I don’t write back to you.”
Mark: “Eileen, what if this difficulty we experience is something like giving birth?”
Eileen: “What do you mean, Mark?”
Mark: “What if we just need to understand that being in love sometimes is like the stress and pain and difficulty of giving birth? After the baby is born the stress and pain and difficulty are over. Maybe we just need to talk to each other with understanding and honesty.”
April: “I just don’t know for sure, Maybe.”
Maybe: “Maybe God doesn’t want us to be so sure of ourselves; but, rather, to be sure of Him as a young child trusts in his Parent.”
April: “Well, maybe . . . maybe He does require us to be sure of Him and not sure of ourselves.”
Mark: “We have to change, Eileen. That is the only way for us to go on. “To live is to change” they say. And Love changes everything. And God is Love. And God is Light. And God is Spirit. And we can only live by Him – by His Love and His Light and His Spirit. And His Son is our Savior. And He is the Way and the Truth and the Life. We access God through faith in His Son. And then, His Son sends His Holy Spirit into our heart by which Spirit we are born again.”
And if we don’t receive the grace of God through faith in His Son, then we become so rigid in our own ungodly ways that we cannot change; and instead, we become like a stone wall that only exists but has no life and no ability to respond to things outside of itself.